Last Crumb – I paid $150 for raw cookies

You need understand that I love cookies. I’d give up eggs, fish, cheese, candy, caffeine – all the other loves and vices – if I could keep cookies. I want to start the absolutely useless charity of sending cookies to underprivileged peoples around the globe because I think more smiles would make the world a better place. I cannot say if this is sugar addiction that would ruin the world, but I can say that cookies the pinnacle of human baked creations. Except bastards with raisins, those are an abomination. I believe bits of fruit make it a bar, not a cookie, and sneaking it into cookie form where we’re all expecting a chocolate chip is a sin.

Okay, so now you know why I’d try any cookie at basically any price. Last Crumb had a lot of hype and I was skeptical going in because hipster food is notoriously better packaged that tasty and I’m convinced some people just like to pretend something good looking is yummy for clicks. But it’s cookies. I’m in.

These sucked.

The packaging was outrageously over the top – printed to perfection, several layers deep, tons of info and hipster lingo – it felt special but also definitely not ‘green’ with the sheer amount of waste for just 12 medium-sized cookies.

Last Crumb cookies were raw inside.
Last Crumb cookies were raw inside.

I’ll admit the ingredients felt pretty top quality, but nearly every single cookie was raw inside. I mean it: smush it and it was again dough. I’m all for eating cookie dough, but it’s really weird to have half baked, half raw. I was tempted to throw them all back into the oven, I probably should have.

About 6 of of the flavors were lovely, but nothing earth-shattering. Seriously, nothing nearly as ‘life changing’ as the stupid social media posts would have you believe, or Last Crumb’s own website. The hype is not real. It’s strictly hipster nonsense. These are *not* the best cookies ever, but if they were not raw they would be solid and I’d pay $6-8 at a fair or market for them.

The easy wins where birthday cake, which was just a sugar cookie with sprinkles, and chocolate chip, because obviously. Those two were also slightly better cooked. I didn’t try one of the twelve because I f’ing hate bananas.

The moral of the story is visit your local bakery: they probably have some crazy flavor concoction that will keep you from having to bake 24 and just enjoy one, big, yummy cookie.

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